"there will be nothing"

Where there is a little light
just a fickle flame

It wont burn for long

A wind could take it so easily

Where there is a small drop

No bigger then a tear

It cant hold its shape

the sun would take it so quickly

when there is little time

just a mere moment

it will pass so hastily

its not ours to keep

But the passing of time is but the passing of pain

What the sun took will come back again as rain

We will learn to feel our way through the dark

And treasure the memory of the light

what needs to be done

If there were eons between us

I would rip open time and make future and past one

We could live in that moment and have only that

If there are continents between us

I will tear down all boarders and bridge the oceans

We breathe the same air and live under the same sky

But my longing is mine and mine alone

so I will split the sun in two

Make another universe

Hide there

Think of you

it would be easier if you could fall like snow

I know how empty your life has felt. You have run away from that emptiness, you have fought it but it’s like swinging your arms at open air, you only end up hurting yourself. So you finally come to that place where you just reside in it and let it take away small pieces of you. The pieces gradually feel bigger, because there is less left of you. That’s when you start to panic. That’s when you reach out for something to give you back your life. That’s when you reach out for me. 

I will come, I will answer. I have been here all along, collecting precious water drops early mornings. I watched dew appear and patiently waited for it to settle, gather and finally fall. I’ve watched you spread yourself over a thousand little leafs and petals and tiny strands of grass. I’ve patiently waited and collected what I could. I wont let you disappear. I wont let the ground suck you up, bury you. Not yet. Its too soon.

I held the drops of you so carefully, I moved slowly so as not to spill, not to lose you. My hands pressed together so tightly. I found an empty well and I let the drops single down. I felt like I lost you again as the drops fell far away from my sight.

Every night you become the stars and every morning you were the dew. I collect and let the drops fall into the well. So patiently. 

How quietly the many mornings passed, how it broke my heart to listen to the faint sound of thousands of drops of you fall to the ground.

...and the rest is echoes

My tired eyes see ghosts pass by in the corridor

They do not look nicely at me

No, they do not look nice

I hear echoes of taunting voices

They do not speak kindly to me

No, they do not seem kind

But the absence of you had to be filled

Running like rats and mice

The memories dart through my mind

Gnawing away on the last few grains

Of calm and sane I managed to save

While I fled from things that made me wild

Let them rest

You are not the keeper of my heart, the plains are 

You are not the holder, the earth covers it and envelops it with its moist darkness 

There the pieces of my blackened heart feels at home 

Leave them there, buried in the moors of your dreams

Let them rest

Lets not talk about how they love you still
Let them rest

Solace in silence

In silence every word could have been spoken

Only when youre not close, anything is possible

This is when we love, this is when I let us live

We grow the most gentle affections, we say the sweetest things

When you are not here

klick klick

Klick klick and two straps are cut and my pants drop

Im flying in the skies in my knickers

I don’t need your sense and sound advice

I’d rather run on the streets with the rats and mice

Clap clap a round of applause and the flowers drop

Lustful eyes watching me from the balconies

I don’t mind playing the fool as long as I know the curtains will drop

But I don’t know that, do I

Tell me, what other role I can play with my pants down

And all you have for me are laughs and frowns

I stood still as the applause died

Thought how it might as well had been raining eggs

when i read poetry in the morning

“I like for you to be still”

But you are fluttering

The many faces you have worn

Are now wearing out my inner eye

Grinding it down so that my vision gets blurry

I can feel and only feel

Now I can't trust my senses

And I don't trust you

We will find the place

A longing, if not to get to be by your side, then to sit and silently watch time slide

As the words travel back and forth without finding a sentence to connect to 

As meanings get lost and we do too 

I have nothing special to say. I have nothing specific to give

All that I have is a shiver in my voice 

As the words drop down to their knees to beg you: 

Give us some time. Give us some time to find home

We will find the place where you can be safe.

January came and buried me in deep snow

I could feel him coming closer. In late autumn he was a cold wind, late at night he was the approaching darkest hour. He held us captured in the realm that was that hour. Even during the day, I could get sucked into that place. The black mist would surround me and hold me captive. If I remembered anything that could comfort or offer a shred of light, the mist would distort it. A smile would turn vicious or taunting, words echoed with emptiness and love I felt became painfully punishing.
The sun had left the horizon and the warmth it gifted slowly faded. No time of the day was more ruthless than that hour before sunrise. All I tried to protect, what I wanted to keep secret so he couldn't reach it, I hurriedly gathered what was most precious to hold it close. Wrapping it up in the arms of my inner child, sending her to hide in the garden. She ran through the gate, over the stone covered path, her naked feet whipping the smooth marble. She ran past the well across the overgrown grass towards the thorn bushes. It was the safest place she knew.

I had let him get closer. Not because I was arrogant or over confident. Not because I was blind to what he would bring. I knew there were things I had to try to keep safe. I knew that he would start to rip it apart if I gave it to him. So I closed the heavy gates to my heart. But some how he seemed to get to it anyway. The night had slowly drained me for my strength and my naive believes were left bare. Even in the protection of the garden, the darkness planted inside had grown too wild. 
So I smiled while he tore my love apart. Patiently I kept making paper flowers for him. He would pick the petals off one by one, spread them into the wind. He would burn them, cut them, drop them in a stream and watch them float away. And I kept making new ones. I could sit alone in a ocean of flowers, sure that he couldn't possibly destroy them all at once. He would fall down on us, me and my flowers, like a roaring comet, have the gravity pull him towards me in fearful speed and strike down annihilating everything within the radius my eyes could reach. He would come from below, open up the ground and swallow us whole.

January came and buried me in deep snow. The loneliness grew fonder of me and started to follow me around wherever I went. This shadow of a ghost was clinging to me. In company I felt his absence more closely than the presence of those around me. I walked this empty shell around the little mountain town where I had been placed. I would sit on a bench and stare, I would sit on a chair, a bus seat, a couch. Stare. Stare and wait. How did this nothingness spread so fast. I remember imagining your smile just last week. Now everything was gone and I had become a thing of the past.

wilder still

I tossed a coin

That fell deep in the well of your soul

I breathed slowly into your lungs

I mended your heart with my persistent care

And sowed seeds on your barren lands with soft words

However, stuck in my own well

Fresh air was scarce; I gave you all I could gather

I cared for little else

I watched my seeds bloom to small flowers only to die

My garden is wild, how fast you could get lost

When you leave to find another place to rest your head

Some other place to gather honey

Know that it will be growing wilder still

If your touch is tender and grip is firm

I might lead you further in

For now my child runs from you

Hides in bushes thick with thorns

I cannot afford to have a wanderer

Lay hands on her delicate skin

the same as always

the dreams came as a warning
and all the pain of loosing him rushed back to me
i loved him again, i longed for him just like then
it was the same as always
and i learned what had grown in darkness

deep down where i had buried us
it was a beautiful pain, like staring into the sun
it was a new star, that had defied the black hole
sucked inside it, i thought all was finally gone
but worlds had formed there, and i was getting glimpses of it
he held me, he whispered in my ear, he kissed me, i kissed him
we played on the streets and i had more than i wished for

i was happy like a child
i woke up, the feelings lingering
i wondered if he was shaken too
not a word, not a sound
it was the same as always
and i was changing again

and the rain kept falling

All I could do was lay there and listen to the rain
The dreams washed over me like waves
and brought you with them like a seashell or a stone
you left me empty to fill me up again
and the rain kept falling

Lingering

I will love you

As I did yesterday

Unrestrained, seeking, lingering

You opened the door

Just a crack

I suck in the air from the other side

You are there

I feel you scent

-Open a little bit more, my dear.

I promise not to intrude

Let me see a finger, a toe, a glimpse of your smile

-Talk to me, my sweet

I’m standing right here

I will listen with a timid ear

Reply with a soft voice

Thus I will love you-

Until I love no more

Unconditionally, persistent, warm

I wait here

Maybe we will meet again

You wander around on the other side

In your own world

I know you are there

I hear your voice.

I saw what I am to become

I’ve trod the swamp of the slowly flowing past

I’ve swam with the high current of things that’s to be

But tonight for the first time I was separated from my shell

I saw what I am to become

A wanderer, an oracle

One tear for lost unknowing innocence

Another for the painful growing

Shattered parts connecting

Long lost thoughts crawling into my bed after midnight

I close my eyes and they creep up my legs

Snare around my neck

Mumble whisper words

So many words

So many threads

strings shooting out crossing each other

creating a nest

anchoring me to the world around

layers of webs

layers of veils

one on top of the other

I rest there in fear of my dreams

I lay here attached and out of reach

So quiet

It was a quiet time, a time between battles. The war raged on around them as they sat on opposite sides of the ocean spending hours together. Each was long as the day, but he changed them, manipulated the current. Gave her lifetimes worth of love that she would never fully understand.

“Say it” he urged and she blushed . Pushing away the childish emotions rushing through her; she said it over and over. Her voice composed, but deeply stirred with confusion and years of repressed affection. He could feel the tremble traveling the lengths between them; across the water. The vibrations reached him clearly and the static of the line was smoothed out for just a moment. Her voice numbed all other sounds around it, made them flow with her.

 For a second, everything was in balance. Everything was calm. 

Everything, so quiet.

found myself sitting next to you

My eyes wearily searching someone to hold
Reflection in the pond gazed so lovingly back at me
From the water emerged a creature
So deceivingly carefree
I was wearily searching my long lost friend
In my heart we hardly parted
The one now staring back at me
Shifting shapes so carefully
When the stars come searching for me
I have lost my will to this creature in the pond
Greedily sucking my infected love
Deluding me so carelessly

black and strong is the devils moon

Silent moments told me the most about you. While I would drift away on a thought and the water finally settled. While the ocean reached every horizon and the sky was clear. No silhouettes to break the serenity of openness. I would lay down on my back and feel the small movements of the currents below. They were deep, profound and sincere.
Closing my eyes I could feel the fear swelling in me. While it was pushing up against great glaziers in a slow clash. While both melting and receding, giving way and staying stable. Settled and merged, unsettled and cracked. Ebb and flow meeting, becoming one and breaking apart.
I adjusted my compass to be set on home. While I focused on how the water gently swayed me. While every direction eventually lead me to you. I smiled and imagined your feet moving to the irregular beating of my exuding heart. Keeping my eyes closed I follow your lead.
Somewhere in the tranquillity, the young night sky gives away. So rises a dark moon and tide grips me. So is shore forced under my body and the water uncradles me. The memory of the sweet vastness of the ocean seeps out and runs down my cold limbs.
While I lick the drops to keep you for a while longer, the echoes are tauntingly jading.
“Black and strong is the devils moon” I whispered and my words joined the echoes in a discording chime.

"You'd Be So Nice To Come Home To"

Like a skilful jazz player, master in the art of improvisation
You made me laugh, had me thinking, let me win and beat me down mercilessly
I felt like a child disciplined, girl guided and a woman seduced
I am a young creation with an old soul
I am a seeker and a source
I have the universe inside me, but I need you to unlock its secrets
I want to spend nights with you, bright as day
While your words reach me, soft as a lullaby, the sun travels the ocean
I am under the moon and the stars,  while you listen to birds sing
They will tell stories about nights bright as day and days dark as night
They will tell you about when time got twisted and consumed
by an eternity that lasted for a second

in keeping secrets

You know the feeling of not wanting a really good book to end? When I get that feeling I stop reading. I simply put the book down. If I don’t finish it, I can dwell in that world forever, knowing that there is more. I create multiple futures; change the outcome many times over. It stays inside me like an organic creature changing growing evolving. 

That is how I will keep you. That is how I will prevent losing you. You will stay here and become a part of my inner world. We are the only two in here, so we can do as we damn well please. We could burn the whole thing down if we wanted to. Tear up the trees, roots and all, and create something new.

"Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke"

She breathed softly in and out and I could hear her smiling. Her face was turned away, but I could tell. A light rain drummed on her windows and she looked up for a while. She aired an aura of calm, but I had known her long enough to know what my words did to her. Right now, this very moment, sitting on the floor looking out the window if caught in a picture the image would be disturbingly deceiving. She spoke faintly, as if she barely was aware of the sounds that came out.

“Where you met a thousand souls, you will meet a thousand more. Each one of them will love and despise you in thousand different ways. I heard you speak to me in a thousand voices and you shattered me into thousand pieces. I will find my calm when the winds are the wildest, when things around me are being torn and sucked up in the sky. This is where I will sit and wait for you. In the eye of the storm that you fear so much. Here nothing is safe, in here we keep changing because it’s the only way we know how to live.

Come sit with me for a while, listen to the dark that threatens to take us away. Threatens to send us some place where all we will know is utter despair. There will be no light reflected to us, there will be no angles, no atmosphere for it to travel trough. You will never speak again. For a thousand years you will only hear the echoes of our past. This is where we will go if you let the storm take us. This is where we will go if you give in to fear.

So sit with me, my darling. Sit with me for a moment. I will be yours for the eternity of this second and the next. Just long enough for you to make me smile.”

In the shadow of the day

Deep in a dream

I walked into a room, you unfolded the walls

I reached out, you dispersed into nanoparticles

Each as rich as the universe itself

I watched you as I would the night sky

Childishly wondering if I am connected to you

Feverishly longing to hear your voice again

Silently searching the words

That are true but keep the secrets

A mask that’s not a lie but a layer

a change of space

I was thinking about going there again. 

There is something about sleep deprivation; it sends you to a very specific place in your mind. Whatever fears or paranoic thoughts you had deepens. Your world gets a different twist, unnatural as if the twirls in the water suddenly would change direction. Another set of laws start to apply, but not for the others, just for you. This excludes you not only from groups of people, but from the very dome in which they dwell. Sometimes these people take up so much space with their domes. They can occupy a whole café or even a square. There doesn’t even have to be many of them. Just one or two people could rule the entirety of the inside of a church. Hissing at you with their eyes “You don’t belong here”

 Last time had been a disaster, and of course, that’s why I had to go again. I remember thinking, I cant hide from it forever. The fear of going back. Once I find my core in that deformed body of mind, I wont fear it any longer. I will look at the world as it present itself to my fatigued senses and find the treasures hidden there. I will go to sleep, I will rest and reset. Once I’m back on this side again, I’ll be one world richer. I will be able to see things not only as they are, but as they could be.

gone

Its funny when you draw a lot, how you detach yourself from the world in a sense. I look at you and I see though your threads of nerves, I see your bones. When you cry I watch the lines and follow the texture of your skin. Even your thoughts gets shapes, memories play out before me and exist right there beside us. The scene that we are in, is just another one of those memories. I smile and add something that might define that scene for you, that will make you never forget. This might be the start of the scene. This might be something that when you hear that word, this conversation will revisit you time and again. It means nothing to me. It’s already in the blur of thousand strings of light that cast no shadows. I met you, you left, I smile and another face comes around. I will meet a thousand others, words will be spoken and imprinted and then there will be emptiness again.

try dancing in my shoes

“So to him, time wouldn’t move like it do for us. Waiting had another meaning. Perhaps he didn’t wait at all. Imagine time not as a line rolled up, say like a fishing line being rolled up on a reel. As we see it now, you are born and some huge sea monster starts pulling your line. You are a little plastic bead on that line and all you can do is watch that monster swim further and further away until you are out of line. That’s it, no more time for you. You fall into a black lake of nothingness and the monster is long gone. But lets say it doesn’t have to be like that. Maybe the line isn’t moving at all. Maybe its all floating around in the lake and you can jump from one point to another. That way you can experience things over and over. While I wait for the future, he might already be there, enjoying our time together. And I - my consciousness - is stuck here, in this present of constant waiting. Perhaps I have to go through the whole line one round to co-create all the events on my line, to spice them up with my inputs. To make them mine in a sense. In the future he would have me acting and reacting, but it would be a me that he based on memories of me. It couldn’t be the me that will eventually be there, because she will have other things collected in her database. She will have other experiences and more information than the past me that he is basing his image of me on. So the person he is hanging out with in the future, is still the past me. Perhaps he will like her better. Competing with your past self is such a drag. I know exactly how I was thinking, and I know exactly how much trouble it got me in to. I can understand that it was fascinating to watch from a distance, but try to come a bit closer, buddy. Go ahead and try dancing in my shoes.” I chuckled and took a sip from my beer. Feeling a bit dizzy focusing my attention on the lable on the bottle somehow seemed to stabalize things. I suddenly got very tired.
"I'm sorry, I got too excited again. Yours truely, the armchair philosopher" She raised her glass and her eyebrows in a ironic salutation. I shook my head and smiled. "Barstool philosopher in this case actually" we laughed and her cheerfulness blew my troubles right out the entrance where some smart looking guys just walked in. She didnt even glance at them.

close enough

The hotel room was nothing special. A medium seized bed, a small three seat couch, two chairs and a desk-like thing attached to the wall. She patently sat on the couch looking out the window while I pretended to go to the bathroom. When I got out she was far beyond the roofs and over the small part of the Olympus mountain visible from this angle. I went over to my bag, picked up a pack of smokes and my phone. Sitting in the chair next to the desk, randomly pressing the screen of my phone I observed her. No detectable reaction, as if she was totally oblivious of my existence. So I got up and sat down beside her. She was janked back to the room and her figure stiffened. She turned towards me with a nervous smile her eyes wandered across my legs to the table where I had put the smokes, to her hands and there they stayed. She kept smiling. I offered her a cigarette and I could see her hands were shaking. Looking at her face she seemed to be calm enough, the shaking was small and barely noticeable. She did a good job hiding it, even if she wasn’t trying very hard. I bet if she really wanted to make an effort she could pull off that breezy edit piaf look of hers without breaking a sweat. She had these characters she could easily slip into if she felt like it. But now it was like looking at her undressing behind a ricepaper screen. She was so woundable. At the same time there was no way to reach her. This was her, no character, no mask, just her. I couldn’t for my life figure out why she was so nervous. To me it made no sense. It wasn’t because she was scared. She wasn’t the type to be scared. It was something else. We had a cigarette and I tried to lighten up the mood with silly conversation. I knew exactly the right words to say, and the right way to say them. Actually the words didn’t matter. It was the tone and the timing. She would let the words pass as they were, always trying to find some hidden treasure behind it. She paid concentrated attention to my hands, my lips and my eyes without looking straight at any of them. Then she would let a vague smile pass and gift me a quick smart reply if she felt like talking.

the twist of time

“Wake up, Josie”
I opened my eyes and felt the twist of time winding up like a toy car. Here we go again... All the things that I had sorted out and folded neatly the day before was laying scattered over the floor like fresh laundry pulled out of the closet. Nothing made sense. My dreams had deranged everything and I woke up to a new world, a new me.

This could happen while daydreaming aswell. I would sit and helplessly watch the lands shift and drift apart. I would witness new oceans being created then I would be sucked out into space and collide with meteors. Id feel the chockwaves of the small impacts from debris hitting planets and moons. But that wasn’t the worst. I hated it even more when it was silent. When everything seemed to either be dying or waiting for something to be born. I would hold my thoughts and stop the flow of my mind. I didn’t want to let anything out. I wanted to torture him with my nothingness, just like he tortured me with his absence. I wanted to implode and disappear. But I couldn’t. It always ended with me creating a storm. I would pour everything I had into it and let it rage just as wildly as it desired. The more chaos the better. I didn’t want to spare anything, if I could I’d take the whole universe with me.

deep in the dream of you

She left me and I didn't follow. She walked unsteady, seemingly aimlessly as if still sleeping. The forest was dead quiet. All I could hear was the cracking of the branches under her bare feet. I slowly silently counted the steps, trying to calm her and stay with me a bit longer. She set her pace down, but she didn't stop and she didn't turn around. I knew this would happen, she told me right at the beginning. She never turns back.
I should have gone away days ago, I shouldn't have approached her at all. Something had pulled me to her, the choices I had made through life all led up to that point. When I was standing in the shadows watching her put her feet in the lake, the decision was made as soon as her toes touched the surface. As the rings spread across the water, so did our story over time.

She was caught in the dream. That dream where i would find her on the beach. She shivered as if drenched in water. Her muscles sore as if she had been fighting for her life. Her skin numb and her mind blank. She mumbled those last words over and over "Im sorry". Her head slightly tilted and lips touching something she loved. They touched me in that dream of hers. I couldn't wake her, she had already left. I couldn't put my arms around her like I would do in the dream, she wouldn't accept me in this form. It was too real, too close.
I felt sweat dripping from my fingers. The weight of the future was too much to hold. I fell to my knees and started to cry. Watching her feet as she walked right past me. I was broken. I wanted her to talk to me again as if she didnt know me and still trusted me. I wanted her to hold me in her eyes again. But she wouldn't turn back.

You make me weak and soft, how precious you are to me.
He fell to his knees thinking I couldn’t see him anymore. But I saw him. I loved him like I had always loved him, with my heart engulfed in flames. I smiled, but he didn’t see. His eyes was fixed on my feet. The forests uneven floor tickled and stung me. My hand just over his hair, my fingers pinching one strand and pulling it off his head. He didn’t notice. He was crying. I inhaled the air he had been breathing, I inhaled the scent of his tears and sweat.
I knew I was lost. I knew just how lost I was, deep in the dream of you.

strange seeds

I had a slow vibrant happiness seeding in me. I was afraid for that seed. I circled it over and over. Scared I would give it too much water, nervous that it was buried too deep, terrified of loosing patience.

It had reached the surface and now my skin was vibrating. On a full moon, if I let you touch me, you could feel it. We floated with the stream in the river. Let it take us, he said, it's not like we have a choice anyway I replied and gave him a soft smile. The water had numbed our senses and all that was left was a cool spring day. Who wanted to mourn the passing of time on a day like this. Who wanted to think about the lonely future awaiting. I was headed for Mars and the others would have to wait.
I promised I would return. I would return to the memories, close my eyes and touch his air with my lips. No closer than this. Not now nor anytime soon. Perhaps not even in this universe. But why dwell on it. I would shake many nights before they take me. I would pass many scenes alone. We don't have a timeline, we got no places we have to be. It's just me. Me and my strange dreams.

No responsibilities, he said, how is that possible. I couldn't help but put my mask on, I am just a clown, a joke, an idiot, a butterfly swimming upstream in tar. Getting ripped to pieces only to resurrect and make the same mistakes over and over. The weight is crushing me, grinding my bones. I close my eyes only to see fire. Fire fire fire licking the inside of the lids catching my lashes and get torn by the wind. I tried not to whisper the words that floated inside. If I did he would lean closer to hear. So I smiled.
I smiled.

12 years asleep

She was still sleeping when I met her again, and she would be sleeping for a very long time. When someone is that lost in their dreams, I can't help but thinking it can't be a good idea to try to shake them out of it just like that. They will wake up believing that the dreams actually happened as a thing of the past, or that they are an on going continuum in another reality parallel to this one. Or even worse, that this world, that you and I live in, is a dream and that other world is the real one. I really think you should be careful dealing with a mind like hers. She was a rare one of her kind, head in the clouds and afraid of anything that touched the ground, including her own feet.

It’s a very lonely place to spend your time, I can tell you that much. Imagine your world being just about as stable as a plane in turbulence and as reliant as the weather forecast. That’s her world. Just about anyone or anything can come and go with a wind turning her light spring rain into a tornado.
“It’s all about attitude” she said “A warm summer day can annoy me as much as autumn snow can annoy the next man. Look at this” she gave the pile on the side of the ally a playful kick. I felt my stomach turn over since I was sure it was a rock. She certainly wasn’t dressed in the right footwear for rock kicking. Both of us had been caught off guard by this sudden snowfall. I hunched and pulled my jacket tighter around me, she skipped like a child, hands in pockets on a buttoned down coat. The snowcovered stone turned out to be a pile of leafs. With the kick she sent them flying and they spread across the white freshly laid carpet. “Look how the colors stand out even more now, see how the reds changed? How you can see even more nuances now?” I looked at her pointing at the leafs. On the snow covered lawn there were scattered dead leftovers. It was only in her eyes I could see the colors reflected by her enthusiasm. She couldn’t understand this. “Look” she urged me again when she noticed my focus was attached to her rather than the ground. “Yes, I see” I said and forced my eyes to let go of her.

Twilight zoned again

It reminded me of the building I always got lost in, the one in my dream. I would walk around and it felt like an organic being, rapidly mutating, opening up new spaces and new staircases. It would give birth to beings, seemingly human, but there was something off about them, about the way they moved. They had a dusty smell to them and their footsteps echoed in the hallways. I did everything I could to avoid them. In the end of the corridor a new set of stairs, I leaned over the rail and looked down. Just like in the dream. I felt nauseous and turned back. I can't handle this right now. I just want to sit down and paint. The door with the wifi sign on it was closed. The room felt empty, but I was too scared to turn the handle. Who knows what was hiding inside. It could be absolutely nothing and no one, but I'm sure if that isn't the case I would be more than just another person walking in. I'm usually not something that just blends in and here, in this empty library, I'm more than a little strange. Weaving back and forth indecisive, I finally headed for the bathrooms to hide.
I just...want to sit down...and paint.

Currents that passed

The current was so strong, I didn’t stand a chance. I spent most of my days barely over surface and the nights were one long line of river sand stirred up by my face dragging along the bottom. My hands clutching the mud and releasing it. The brown cloud spread out and passed me. When I reached the sea, waves rolled over me. The cold water numbed my body and I was thinking, if the sea was calmer I could probably hear your heartbeat. That was when she came to me, the creator of all good and evil. She rose with the waves and she told me she wanted to crush everything. Her eyes were cold and clear like icicles and she spoke with the depths of the sea. I realized I had to get up. Standing on the seafloor I placed my hand on her forehead. 
“Heart be still” I whispered “Spare them”.