found myself sitting next to you

My eyes wearily searching someone to hold
Reflection in the pond gazed so lovingly back at me
From the water emerged a creature
So deceivingly carefree
I was wearily searching my long lost friend
In my heart we hardly parted
The one now staring back at me
Shifting shapes so carefully
When the stars come searching for me
I have lost my will to this creature in the pond
Greedily sucking my infected love
Deluding me so carelessly

black and strong is the devils moon

Silent moments told me the most about you. While I would drift away on a thought and the water finally settled. While the ocean reached every horizon and the sky was clear. No silhouettes to break the serenity of openness. I would lay down on my back and feel the small movements of the currents below. They were deep, profound and sincere.
Closing my eyes I could feel the fear swelling in me. While it was pushing up against great glaziers in a slow clash. While both melting and receding, giving way and staying stable. Settled and merged, unsettled and cracked. Ebb and flow meeting, becoming one and breaking apart.
I adjusted my compass to be set on home. While I focused on how the water gently swayed me. While every direction eventually lead me to you. I smiled and imagined your feet moving to the irregular beating of my exuding heart. Keeping my eyes closed I follow your lead.
Somewhere in the tranquillity, the young night sky gives away. So rises a dark moon and tide grips me. So is shore forced under my body and the water uncradles me. The memory of the sweet vastness of the ocean seeps out and runs down my cold limbs.
While I lick the drops to keep you for a while longer, the echoes are tauntingly jading.
“Black and strong is the devils moon” I whispered and my words joined the echoes in a discording chime.

"You'd Be So Nice To Come Home To"

Like a skilful jazz player, master in the art of improvisation
You made me laugh, had me thinking, let me win and beat me down mercilessly
I felt like a child disciplined, girl guided and a woman seduced
I am a young creation with an old soul
I am a seeker and a source
I have the universe inside me, but I need you to unlock its secrets
I want to spend nights with you, bright as day
While your words reach me, soft as a lullaby, the sun travels the ocean
I am under the moon and the stars,  while you listen to birds sing
They will tell stories about nights bright as day and days dark as night
They will tell you about when time got twisted and consumed
by an eternity that lasted for a second

in keeping secrets

You know the feeling of not wanting a really good book to end? When I get that feeling I stop reading. I simply put the book down. If I don’t finish it, I can dwell in that world forever, knowing that there is more. I create multiple futures; change the outcome many times over. It stays inside me like an organic creature changing growing evolving. 

That is how I will keep you. That is how I will prevent losing you. You will stay here and become a part of my inner world. We are the only two in here, so we can do as we damn well please. We could burn the whole thing down if we wanted to. Tear up the trees, roots and all, and create something new.

"Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke"

She breathed softly in and out and I could hear her smiling. Her face was turned away, but I could tell. A light rain drummed on her windows and she looked up for a while. She aired an aura of calm, but I had known her long enough to know what my words did to her. Right now, this very moment, sitting on the floor looking out the window if caught in a picture the image would be disturbingly deceiving. She spoke faintly, as if she barely was aware of the sounds that came out.

“Where you met a thousand souls, you will meet a thousand more. Each one of them will love and despise you in thousand different ways. I heard you speak to me in a thousand voices and you shattered me into thousand pieces. I will find my calm when the winds are the wildest, when things around me are being torn and sucked up in the sky. This is where I will sit and wait for you. In the eye of the storm that you fear so much. Here nothing is safe, in here we keep changing because it’s the only way we know how to live.

Come sit with me for a while, listen to the dark that threatens to take us away. Threatens to send us some place where all we will know is utter despair. There will be no light reflected to us, there will be no angles, no atmosphere for it to travel trough. You will never speak again. For a thousand years you will only hear the echoes of our past. This is where we will go if you let the storm take us. This is where we will go if you give in to fear.

So sit with me, my darling. Sit with me for a moment. I will be yours for the eternity of this second and the next. Just long enough for you to make me smile.”

In the shadow of the day

Deep in a dream

I walked into a room, you unfolded the walls

I reached out, you dispersed into nanoparticles

Each as rich as the universe itself

I watched you as I would the night sky

Childishly wondering if I am connected to you

Feverishly longing to hear your voice again

Silently searching the words

That are true but keep the secrets

A mask that’s not a lie but a layer

a change of space

I was thinking about going there again. 

There is something about sleep deprivation; it sends you to a very specific place in your mind. Whatever fears or paranoic thoughts you had deepens. Your world gets a different twist, unnatural as if the twirls in the water suddenly would change direction. Another set of laws start to apply, but not for the others, just for you. This excludes you not only from groups of people, but from the very dome in which they dwell. Sometimes these people take up so much space with their domes. They can occupy a whole café or even a square. There doesn’t even have to be many of them. Just one or two people could rule the entirety of the inside of a church. Hissing at you with their eyes “You don’t belong here”

 Last time had been a disaster, and of course, that’s why I had to go again. I remember thinking, I cant hide from it forever. The fear of going back. Once I find my core in that deformed body of mind, I wont fear it any longer. I will look at the world as it present itself to my fatigued senses and find the treasures hidden there. I will go to sleep, I will rest and reset. Once I’m back on this side again, I’ll be one world richer. I will be able to see things not only as they are, but as they could be.