i have to go

 when i was standing infront of the stone wall

it towers over me

i press my forhead against the cold surface

i know it will not give

like the ocean it calls me at night

in the climb i claw my nails off

if i was welcome the heavy gate would be open

there would be no long dark nights

cold winds moving dusty ghosts 

and a hard moon

if i stay here i will see someone else walk in

i have to go

i shouldnt be here

himlen är oskyldigt grå

surreptitously

 we both know youre coming back. 

lets think about how we want it to be after

wasting time without you

 i dont want to leave you alone.

i want to hang on your back with my head on your shoulder

i want to sigh when you look away

i want to stream endlessly my inner voice over you

watch you when you sleep and impatiently wait for you to wake

pout when you close yourself off

get angry when you dont understand

i want to spend hours watching you, to figure out what you need

when you wake up, how can i make you smile

can i touch your hair?

how can i make you happy. 

by leaving you alone..?

a thousand pieces of my naked body

 a thousand wild ants

eating at my flesh

i spread the sugar

i lie still and let them crawl

does he resent me now

my skin sinder

i ashen

i think he left long ago

i watch giant crowns of trees sway

another bite, are they not done yet

how much left now, can you check, i cant feel anything

let them pick me like im a field of a thousand flowers

 would i recognise you in any shape

if a pull is instictive, i assume its you

will you get angry if i fail?

in my wicked world - he would reach out for me a thousand times

in my wicked world - if he doesnt then let me betray him a thousand times

for me its you, always you

only you

im searching for

solace in silence

do you hate me this deeply because i seen your soul

you travel steady calmly on the wildest sea

my storm is no match to your waves

our rythms entwine so gracefully, its blindingly beautiful

you can leave dramatically, close doors and throw me

when souls speak, humans should rest