i dream about

She opened her mouth to speak, but before the thought had bliztered through the nerves, something broke the connection and she remained silent. When she breathed again, it was a deep breath, deep sleepy breath, a dreamy sigh, a dark whisper of dreams and she was lost. He felt her body relaxing under his arm. Her thoughts lost all traceable indication of pattern. It was a nebula of connections, a warped four-dimensional web. Small explosions going off seemingly randomly. He couldn’t follow her and soon realized the two of them weren’t just separated by the clothes and the fall of the sheet between. In her mind, he wasn’t even there. He could feel it first as a small ripple over his skin around his wrist where her hand was wrapped around it. Then his bones started to tighten in on themselves along with her grip. Her breath was still calm, deep and sleeping, but something had changed in the air. Something had changed about her. The room was dark, he could barely make out her cold light shoulder-long hair on the pillow, even though it was inches from his face. He could smell it, a flowery scent of newly washed hair mixed with the dusty smoke from the fireplace. She had been leaning close to it in long periods during the night, warming her hands. Her hair fell forward and even further fell her stare. She looked like an old sharp-edged forlorn lady standing there wickedly glaring into the fire. She shifted so rapidly that I never could be sure of how to approach her. A sentence that worked perfectly fine would have a natural follow up sentence that got violently rejected. It could be a word or a tone that suddenly grabbed hold of her and sent her to a different place, a different dimension altogether. Once there, she took no consideration to the surroundings, she didn’t bother to take anything with her from this world to remind her where she had set off from. Perhaps it all happened too fast for her to react. Sometimes I could even see her grasping, her eyes widening in deep rooted panic for a nanopart of a second, her muscles tightening, blood forcing its way in and out of her heart as it was shutting its doors to me and everything around us. Nothing from this world was allowed to enter any longer, nothing of the old taken in would be allowed to seep out. Instead she shut that word or that shrug of a shoulder, a hint of a smile inside of her heart, held on to it, quenching it, tightened around it until her whole being collapsed in on it, pressed it to nothingness and then kept on pressing until they twisted into a black hole and invaded that new dimension. She fell in on herself and that word I had spoken, but that word would be forever lost. She had made sure to get rid of it, and all it could stand for, by crushing it with her whole being. Sitting next to me would be a different creature. Like this she died and was reborn. In the most violent of evenings she would do this several times and in fast pace. Her different faces would pan out before me like succession photosnaps, one by one by one by one she entered and left and gave me short insights to these new worlds she found herself in. She would adapt fully and commit to this new world as fast as she snapped out of the old one.