she has gone mad, godless valkyria, rouge rider

 fear my heart valkyria you woke her from her soft slumber

you think she spared you, you think the distance made you safe

you will live the rest of your life dragged behind this wild horse

heed my words, you have not been spared

now, finally, at the end

 at the end of the night, when i haunt your waking dreams

know that its the ghosts of day 

i made for you

they finally reach you as you lay down

hang over you like a weighted blanket

they bring you comfort and mind numbing restless desire

a colossus my heart

a ceaseless seeker

a galloping horse strung tight with fear

tundering through blindly

theres only one dark beakon

its pulsating unseen

but i can feel it, i can feel you

the ground beneath so treaturous

but dread has already driven me wild

its too late

its much too late

i wish i could say i mean you well

please stay away from me. dont tempt our fate.

please leave it be.

furtively

you dont know the web im weaving

as am i, unconcious of it

i can only sense its existance

as if it comes from a different desperate dimension 

she is so full of fury

bereft blooming fire

why wont she stop

leave it in peace, please lets let go of it

she refuses, she will have her way

demon of my heart be still

fire must be kept within

if you touch me you will be engulfed

if you look at me she will lead you straight down

to her own spun hellfire, created just 

for 

you

i have to go

 when i was standing infront of the stone wall

it towers over me

i press my forhead against the cold surface

i know it will not give

like the ocean it calls me at night

in the climb i claw my nails off

if i was welcome the heavy gate would be open

there would be no long dark nights

cold winds moving dusty ghosts 

and a hard moon

if i stay here i will see someone else walk in

i have to go

i shouldnt be here

himlen är oskyldigt grå

surreptitiously

 we both know youre coming back. 

lets think about how we want it to be after

wasting time without you

 i dont want to leave you alone.

i want to hang on your back with my head on your shoulder

i want to sigh when you look away

i want to stream endlessly my inner voice over you

watch you when you sleep and impatiently wait for you to wake

pout when you close yourself off

get angry when you dont understand

i want to spend hours watching you, to figure out what you need

when you wake up, how can i make you smile

can i touch your hair?

how can i make you happy. 

by leaving you alone..?

a thousand pieces of my naked body

 a thousand wild ants

eating at my flesh

i spread the sugar

i lie still and let them crawl

does he resent me now

my skin sinder

i ashen

i think he left long ago

i watch giant crowns of trees sway

another bite, are they not done yet

how much left now, can you check, i cant feel anything

let them pick me like im a field of a thousand flowers

 would i recognise you in any shape

if a pull is instictive, i assume its you

will you get angry if i fail?

in my wicked world - he would reach out for me a thousand times

in my wicked world - if he doesnt then let me betray him a thousand times

for me its you, always you

only you

im searching for

solace in silence

do you hate me this deeply because i seen your soul

you travel steady calmly on the wildest sea

my storm is no match to your waves

our rythms entwine so gracefully, its blindingly beautiful

you can leave dramatically, close doors and throw me

when souls speak, humans should rest

the ways of walking alone

 relief was breif

i moved south and the comforting blanket of white ran thinner

things buried beneath, the complexities

i cant escape

for as long as you decide, youll be the soil for my seeds

youll be the shades of my darkness

my silent companion casting a curse on every new path that opens up

the ways of wrapping myself in this solitude

his black bitter jealousy 

is my water

in the ways of saying goodbye

 what is this feeling of the first day of snowfall

a pure even layer gently set a mute on all reflections of sound

its so soft, the voice of the world

the calming linear texture

it was a day to say goodbye

tears roll down the back of my eyes

 stars will you carry my thoughts tonight

i have only one for each of you, so it wont be too heavy right?

he took all of them in steady stream for days and days

free flow from every corner

where i had been sitting isolated for so long

now im back in my echochamber 

this asylum with padded locked doors

my tears creep roll to the back of my eyes

im suffocating, drowning from the inside

will someone come and open me up

pain will be brief and only mine

 nothing can beat my heart out of pulse like dark shade if your hair

its the last thing i breathe in at night

my lips so close to your neck and my fingertips

these ones

i cant believe its the same ones

maybe i shifted to a different universe

the pain when it broke shattered time and sent us this far from eachother

i dont fear anything

everytime i see your name i smile nostalgically

as if a ghost, placid and suspended midair

its ok

everything is ok with me

empty shell colliding cannot hurt anything or anyone

my pain will be breif on impact and then it will

finally be over

i get drunk on your power

 i held still for a while before i answered

just to lay in the vulcanic tension of you waiting

you get so angry so fast

but you dont give me any options

weeks of starving, lava feels nice

things buried in the glacier takes a sudden harsh breath

im wide awake, and the demon of you is everywhere

sing

 sing a song for my unheard heart

colder times are approaching

as if prompted by its frosted lining

ice burns on greedy hands

i was wondering, is it all a joke

why dont i feel scared

i just keep searching, as if roam is the singular form

if it was freedom, i would live free

but its a prison, my feet are stone heavy

its a cruel addictiction, a relentless drive

the unstoppable force

remoreseless, indifferent to exhoes that clangs the chambers of my heart

is time speeding up even more. can you feel the thrust as i do?

 change your tone boy, dont give me that deathstare

think deeply about the path ahead

just to keep you safe

 if i ran a thousand simulations

would they all end the same 

if i sent us to the quantum field, would we come back as something different

if i could reset you, and approach you again

i can carry all the pain, i can hold out to the fear

this time i would keep the wildfire inside me

let it burn me to an ashy pile

just to keep you safe

you pulled yourself out of reach

is this the safest youll be?

my selfish desire to lay my hands on you

they should stay empty, until this timeline ends

for the restart, will i remember

sink a stone

but the happy memories are too close in time

i hope they stick to the walls

soon i will leave, can i have peace then?

what youre giving me now, nothing but misery

i will weave the dreams into the bedframe

soon i will have a new bed, can i have my life back?

this slow drag from train to train will stop

why did we create them, just so the echo could torture me to insanity

just to show me what happiness feels like, and let me know ill never reach it again.

blisful ignorance, sink a stone in me, take everything with you.

blank slate , thin white paper

sink a stone in me 

isnt she sweet

the girl that you trapped in the glass jar

isnt she sweet

she lives in the vaccum of your silence

we cant reach her anymore

try to open the jar, she will disperse, reality of how you abandoned her

little white flower

 captain of my soul

is not steering me at all

i flail in all directions, searching for his words

reaching for his mind

but he abandoned post and only his ghost remains

a constant shadow that streches thin and tall on the moonlit echo that once was our secret domain

look what i created, do you like your kingdom?

silence.

the rot sets from the ourskirts as i desperately protect the core

ill keep the memory safe until you return

its a small white flower, i ate it and now it grows in my heart, warming me from the inside like a tiny sun

i hush as the universe close in on me

its very dark here.

its so very dark

love needs a benevolent star

for life to grow we needed the clam graceful energy of a pure nourishing sun

powerful, steady, inactive, boring

my pheanix, the star of my heart

this Siren exho pulsates a torted space

come come watch the supernova revert, fold onto it selves

in the ebb and flow of time, you met me just as she dropped to reverb

i let you in because i didnt want to burn alone

forgive me

in a devils hand, everything is a toy

can you imagine

in my small palm

your infinite silence

free no more

he is my shadow, he carries me wherever i go

i picked up his castaway soul from the side of the road

somewhere in morocco

why he handled it so carelessly, ill never know 

but it is mine now

and ill never let it go

3 hours of sleep

 a shiver down my calcified spine

a thrill down deep

could you hear it

all those foul words from my twisted tongue

i never meant for them to reach you

could you let us rest until the smoke settled

and youll see it was empty shells fired from the tips of my fingers

i dont have a gun to aim at you, my love

when again the stars feel like wide open lit windows on cold atumn nights 

let the fresh air in

let me glide through your space 

and feel your walls from the inside

12 hours of sleep

 is it you who seek me in my dreams

you are a new kind of evil

a different shade of dark

you make me cry when i wake 

twist and a pull

 who are you

the one thats calling for me

i feel you pulling on my chest

strong hands with your long fingers nestled through my ribs, 

pressure so hard on my heart it makes me shiver

i feel no pain only shortness of breath

a long slow hold

why wont you come

if you want me to move, would you tell me the direction

im lying so still that the twist of the universe is working on my body like a corkscrew

i wont move ever again

you come to me this time

you come to me.

dreadful desert draught

 my skin does not know you

It only remembers 

     the draught

the stiffness left from

   wet

flooded with affection

    & mirages of touch

it sits in the sun of the day

     light flooding the emptiness

I look at my arm

     where you said your head

                                       would be

I rest my cheek

                dry on dry

        the ground eats my soul

  I crawl my fingers through the ashes

    and cramp my hardened heart until its dust

               to the beating          of yours

not fucking again

 without you i am an infinity of droplets

nothing but atoms split and scattered

your gentle presence assemble me

effortlessly unintentional

i rip apart and you gather

i scramble and you catch

were the perfect pair 

please dont abandon me

again 

gentlemanly silence

heavy was the sound when the gates opened to let the bird out. slow was the dragging of the closing. it was so soft, so gentle. i didnt even realise what had happened until long moments after. when time seem to have changed suddenly. not in speed but in texture. in form and taste. detached and drifting again i felt spaces deep embrace again. my souls companion, ever watching, never understanding, but always surrounding me with cool observing abcence. nothing is recognised, nothing missed. the only thing i can be sure of is the eternal silence, and that it will never, ever. leave me.

iron clad - scar clasped

 Hope is a bird that flutters

in thranged chambers of a draught heart

i didnt carry your abscence 

anymore

every sight was mine

alone

but heavy was this

tiny bird

with its iron wings

after it broke free, this

wretched little heart

echoed with its cries

hollow hollow hard hardened

hollow

solitary celestary

 they named her

Shinra

travelling alone they pulled

Her with their eyes

She turned and became

the dealer of death

sweet release

they whisper

they crawl, they cry

slow as we go

as slow as we can go

so slow

we made time

stop

it only lived where you and i 

was

And we held fast

steady

in the past

Nothing between then and 

next time

Nothing.

here - ever

i live in the reflected

light

of our sun

walking the echoing chambers

after you burnt down

everything

cold white marble

encapsules me

how hauntingly

safe

knowing nothing

nothing

will ever

reach me

here

kan du sluta

 dina fingrar är elektriska

det rör sig genom huden, mina kläder, luften

jag kan känna när du ser på mig, när du vänder dig mot mitt håll, när dina tankar rör sig mot min kropp

jag kan inte låta dig ta på mig, stöten gör ont och väcker liv i saker som borde fortsätta sova.

föralltid.

jag glömmer migsjälv, jag vet inte vart jag är

kan du sluta se på mig

sluta andas ett tag

jag orkar inte

Hope is the thing with iron feathers

 Hope is the thing with iron feathers

It flutters the heart

Climbs with violence, soars without winds

plunges deep into the soul

And it never stops. At all.

all g

 ill pretend im not human

ill trancend

ill act like you breathing is 

not a big deal

its ok with me

it doesnt do anything 

to me

bastillion

 bask in the glory if my discontent

its the closest youll get to my heart

sinner one see all

 you drew me to an oasis

and i jumped from the 15th floor

the trick of illusion hid rows of spikes

death was instant and that i have you to thank for 

what does the heavens have in store for you my love

a soft tender girl that will carefully see to your needs

she will know how to feed you and make you feel safe

she breathes life into you and you will always be right

when youre angry she wont see it

you can do no wrong

it will be calm balanced free from pain

love in its gentlest form

and me? 

what could the undead wish for

 im not scared of you choking me to death, im scared of your silence, i

m scared of   your   absence not mine

for wants the bell tolls

 only deepest loss could stirr the bells in me

so why do they chime

you gave me my life back

what else is there

you woke the child from feverish nightmares and put her in deep healing rest

what else could i ask for

now finally safe, we sway

sway sway to the tintinnabulation

we have everything

heart safely in the comfortable chokehold of your beautiful fingers

i was stillstruck by how deeply you feel and how desperate the stuggle to hide 

i will leave you be

ringing in my ears so lound in the silence

nothing is lacking

still now bells

still as he sleep

still now

still as death tolls

when enough

 come eat my skin 

gnaw my bones 

pluck my wings 

clog my throat with lies

words nestle deep between my legs

fill my cells with confliction

make war

only war

in my body only war

we will be the same

we have always been the same

ring the alarm

 strong fierce foolish fire

form rings upon rings

eat lick destroy release

 me dying is not enough for you

ill die again ill die a thousand times

sindromeda

 The sun unsettles me 

Because 

Behind my eyelids there’s only inverted light 

The sun pierces

Calls for energy bursts and happiness 

The grass smiles

It unsettles me

Stockholm syndrome

Lock me up 

Stockholm syndrome

Darkness owns my body

spiteful heart

How I long for my final and only true friend 

How it longs for me

How cruelly this heart keeps beating 

To spitefully keep me from my destiny 

My friend that never abandoned me, 

that speaks truth with clarity

passion is the violence of the heart

How you shiver under the vibrations of my voice. Do I scare you. Was it always like this, but I just didn’t realise. Like the humming of the sun, would she know that she is violence. Erupting flares. Did I hurt you again? 

I’ve been told I play too hard. 

I see myself as weak, as a blunt broken sword. Now matter how hard the swing, how can it possibly cause damage. 

How can it hurt you when I’m only swinging at myself.

Can you forgive me. Just this one time. Please forgive me. It will never happen again.

I was seeking out and killing every last trace of affection in my heart. Blitzkrieg I fired through the passages burnt every corner, every hidden lair.

Layers of forgotten things. It will burn. In this hot month of August I will make sure it all burns.

cold bones

 flesh on bones

and a heart inbetween

grinding against castaway splinters and rooms full of sin

your demon in the corner scared me wake 

violence pulled me from sleep

and there was a message from you

a warning a call a begging and a roar

with death in its eyes staring me down

you want me to leave or want me to run

where can i hide where you are not

tell me i'll go there gladly

lay my cold bones let me restlessly twist out of myself

a turn so hard nothing is left 

but cold bones, charred pieces that refused to cinder

ill stop burning for you

ill die on my own

these cold bones

we dont need you